After a good few years, though not as long as I have waited to get to Bocca di Lupo, I made it to Flat Iron. Funnily enough, meals at these two stalwarts occurred in the same week, by a freak stroke of coincidence.  Turns out, my General Manager is a crazed meat eater, and in lieu of a good Brazilian rodízio, took us to Flat Iron, a place that sadistically forces you to eat meat.

Such a menu is not popular these days.  Even I’m loving vegetarian meals more and more, and vegan meat substitutes are frequently divine. Nevertheless, I always have time for a good cut of meat, especially when I’m certain the animal didn’t die in vain.

Flat Iron celebrates beef through offering literally sod all else.  We went as a team, and I am pretty sure that whereas there were certainly no vegetarians or vegans amongst us, some people were frantically looking anything else to eat but cow, flipping the menu over more than once, in case there was a side of paper that offered, I don’t know, a Caesar salad.  The restaurant offers their signature flat iron steak at a reasonable £thirteen, or a Scottish bavette, or a burger.  There are meat-free sides, but what are you going to do, order three portions of spinach to get you through to home time?

In lieu of starters (there are none to choose from) and not needing to save room for pudding (vanilla soft serve or nothing at all), the ten of us ordered ten flat irons and many sides.  The food came out weirdly quickly, but I guess that for a restaurant that serves nothing else and is busy to the point of ‘queue outside and pray’, they’re probably grilling steaks to the vibe, not to the order.  Sides come in at around £three to £six and a sauce is £one, so the whole flat iron event swift to the point of “How does the menu fill a whole side of A4?”, but also cheap.

Cheerful, too.  The flat iron could have done with a little more resting, but tasted gorgeous, seasoned to perfection on the grill and dusted with flakes of sea salt.  It’s presented on a slate nestled working a wooden block, next to a miniature cleaver that the menu warns you not to steal (though for £fifteen, one can be yours). My side of truffled mac ‘n’ cheese was good enough for the money; but I’ve had better.  My Béarnaise sauce was served cold – whether this was intentional or not is a matter for Jonathan Creek – but it was very tasty, nevertheless.  

Look at it this way: Flat Iron can serve a steak dinner for less than £twenty per person.  Bottles of wine are cheap too.  We sampled around 129,053 bottles of the vaguely named but quaffable ‘Juicy Chilean Merlot’ at £twenty-eight a piece, getting giddy at the rustic wooden tables, under the naked sepia lightbulbs, helped along by brisk but attentive servers.  Yes, the sides were a little ‘meh’ (but I tried the mash with crispy bone marrow and garlic and that was filthily good), but critically, Flat Iron gets the steak right.  And for that reason, they do well by me.

Visited on 23^rd November 2022.

I wasn’t paying. But it was about £twenty per head, and some wine, but I don’t have those numbers. Why are you asking me?