In the first of a new series in which The European goes for food and leaves me at home to write minutes or study (not that I’m bitter), I will blog about her experiences by asking her annoying questions when she returns home, tired / full / both and generally not in the mood for conversation.

Me: Welcome home!  Where did you eat?

Her: Bonedaddies (tries to walk away from me).

Me: Where was it?

Her: (rolls eyes) Soho.

Me: What was it like inside?

Her: (takes out a bag of liquorice) Look, liquorice.

Me: What was it like inside?

Her: Mmmnn, liquorice.  Very cool.  Very hipstery.

Me: Any defining features?

Her: (chewing liquorice) Wood.  Steel.  Hipster people.

Me: What did you eat?

Her: Ramen.

Me: (getting frustrated) what kind of ramen?

Her: (still chewing liquorice) It was like chicken.  The broth was made from chicken bone marrow.

Me: Did you like it?

Her: I loved the ramen.  It’s like one of my favourite ramen.  It took me less than ten minutes to eat it, slurp it in, mmnn.  Like the world didn’t matter anymore.  Then I got disappointed because [my friend] didn’t like it.  I ate from her bowl.   Do you like ramen I can’t remember?

Me: (shocked as she’s making conversation) I do but it’s got to be good ramen otherwise I find it irritating.

Her: What do you mean you find it irritating?

Me: Well it becomes a tasteless, slurpy wet mess.

Her: Do you mean unsatisfying?

Me: Yes exactly.

Her: I don’t like it when it’s watery, not tasty.

Me: Small world, not liking things when they’re not tasty….

Her: No but I mean some people like that, like  pho.  I find that bland.

Me: What else did you have?

Her: Beer.

Me: What did [your friend] have?

Her: The same.

Me: Why didn’t she like it?

Her: She didn’t like the broth actually.  She thought the broth was horrible. It was quite funny because in the beginning she said he loved it and then suddenly she stopped eating it and I said to her “are you full?” and she said she didn’t like it and I said “why, you said you liked it before” and she said that she said that as she didn’t want to make me feel bad (holds up a Whole Foods bag) Look, I got a shampoo, soap and conditioner, I’m so excited about this.

Me: (Rolls eyes) Anything after the ramen?

Her: (Moon-eyeing her shampoo) No.

Me: How much was it?

Her: (still moon-eyeing) Eighteen.

Me: Overall?

Her: For me.

Me: So overall?

Her: (Clearly getting irritated now) Eighteen plus eighteen.

Me: What was the service like?

Her: Quick and nice. Hipstery people.

Me: Anything else?

Her: (Staring at me, annoyed).  The music was really loud.

Me: Anything else?

Her: No.  Great ramen though. I really like it, I need to take you there.  And they do fresh buns.  Smell my soap.